Buck's night fallout

[F6T]

so I had my buck's night on friday night. still feeling ordinary today but managed to keep my eyebrows intact.

got dragged into a strip club for a public humiliation, violation, denigration, emasculation etc (as you do!). The thing is, is that I got the OK from my fiancee to go to a strip club if that was on the agenda (bear in mind that I had no idea whatsoever of what was instore for me). The deal was that she would be OK with this so long as I provided her with all the details. :

As it turns out, after hearing about all the details, she has decided that she is not very happy about it at all. All I had was a lap dance (no touching) and then was given a humiliation by 2 strippers. we then had to leave as the next girl that came out on to the stage turned out to be a cousin of mine!!! (shock horror) so we left.

She is now saying that the only reason she gave me the green light was to see if, in the face of 20 of my closest mates, I could say no to being dragged into the place. In other words, she baited me into it as a test to see if I would say no of my own accord. I failed.

It is 4 weeks from the wedding. She is bitterly disappointed and embarrassed with me. I think it is a very unfair situation and was just a bit of harmless fun. I have been getting cold ar*e pie since saturday morning and the full silent treatment and it doesn't look like letting up and my patience is wearing thin. I have a feeling that it is going to end up in tears or a serious argument with the wedding being called off or something stupid unless she can come to terms with what has happened and that it really isn't all that bad.

Wondering if anyone else out there has had to deal with this and what you guys have done to get them to realise that these places are just sleezy businesses, and that the girls are only doing it, not because they are attracted to you, but because they are being paid to do it. Just a bit of harmless fun. I am interested in what you ladies out there think about the situation too.

Her hens night is coming up this week. I was thinking of arranging a male stripper for her so that she can see first hand how silly the whole thing is and just a laugh for everyone (in the right setting of course)!

How do I manage this people??

[EA2BA]

Well she said you could, you even relayed all the details to her without hiding anything (I assume thats right), and she then wanted to complain you went, you have done everything that was asked.

If she cant handle you doing something that she gave permission for then its going be a long hard road of a marriage, not saying you wont be happy ever after, but everytime she says yes, you will have to wonder is she testing me again or what!!

I would not arrange the stripper, she may feel extremely humilated by it or think you are nuts and you will further be in trouble, I would say to her she has to relay ALL the details of her night out back to you (you can bet her friends have arranged a stripper anyways).

At the end of the day she has to understand, it was a bit of fun you did not enjoy it, and have no plans to be doing it again in the future.

You also have to ask yourself is she did the same would you have a problem with it, if the answer is no then buy her some flowers and big soppy sorry note and get on with the marriage.

[drcook]

im sorry to be blunt, and i hope you dont get offended, but your fiance is acting like a bit of a cow.

im also engaged, getting married late april this year, and quite frankly me and the boys are doing whatever we want for the bucks night, my fiance wont get a say in it, nor will she be given ANY detail about it afterwards. if she doesnt like that, she doesnt have to marry me. That, of course goes vice-versa, i wont be told anything of her hens night and i wont ask, because we love and trust each other.

a marriage aint worth jack, if you cant trust each other, and it seems she doesnt trust you (or your mates, or both) so tell her you have no regrets about the night and for her to get the hell over it quick smart.

other than that, you can explain to her friends the situation of how you've been made to feel guilty and thats why YOU WILL BE ATTENDING HER HENS NIGHT to make sure that no shenanigans happens there.

She'll get over it.

[XR Rob]

madhx96, I would point out to her that successful relationships are built on being open and honest and not delving into the realm of double-meanings, hidden games and semantics.

You were open about what was going to happen. She agreed. You were honest about what did happen and that, really, should be the end of the story.

You cannot, and should not, apologise as you actually haven't done anything wrong. You have worked through a process of being honest and open, and it's her that's now playing silly buggers.

What to do?

I would simply ask her, quite calmly, if she still wants to get married and if she says she does, I would tell her, with strong conviction (and I don't mean by yelling or being abusive or anything repugnant like that), that if you're going to have a successful marriage, there's no room for stupid games like that and you hope it will be the last time she tries to take advantage of your goodwill towards her.

You can point out that "most" blokes would have simply lied about what they did, but you not only sought permission, but gave a full match wrap afterwards. You're a rare guy - and someone she should be appreciating, rather than messing around.

Again, it's all about being honest and open. Stick to that policy, and you'll be right for life.

[Polyal]

Ah I hate the silent treatment! Its already been a few days, give it maybe one more and then just talk to her. If I have been given the silent treatment then I will just keep on pestering until we talk. If there is one thing I hate is holding in an arguement, I go insane.

I actually have a question for those who have been through it. On a bucks night, when you go to the strippers, do you just get a show, or a little more?

I dont see the point in getting some of a stripper when you have been (I assume) you have been faithful for "x" amount of time previously. A bit of fun is always good, but there is a line.

[XR Rob]

Originally Posted by Polyal

I actually have a question for those who have been through it. On a bucks night, when you go to the strippers, do you just get a show, or a little more?

I never had a stripper at my bucks night, but I was involved with my brother in law's bucks and I can confirm that it was just the stripper doing a few embarassing things to him, like hitting him with a feather duster, then putting on a glove and lubing it up like she was going to stick it up his date (she didn't) and then she stripped all her gear off and danced around and let him use the feather duster on her boobs, then she left. He didn't bonk her or anything. I think women sometimes get these ideas that anything involving a stripper can ONLY end in some huge kind of drunken orgy and that's so far from reality, it's not even funny.

[F6T]

Thanks guys - some very good advice there.

All I got was a show. they can touch you but you have to keep your hands behind the chair at all times unless they invite you to do something (like slap their bum). If you go to touch them you get kicked out.

You can have a private show if you want and pay to touch but it is only boobs and bum I think (i'm not sure). Beyond that, you would have to go to a brothel.

[drcook]

Originally Posted by Polyal

I actually have a question for those who have been through it. On a bucks night, when you go to the strippers, do you just get a show, or a little more?

I dont see the point in getting some of a stripper when you have been (I assume) you have been faithful for "x" amount of time previously. A bit of fun is always good, but there is a line.

two years back i (being my best mates best man) organised a night out with free entry into the 3 biggist strip clubs in sydney. you just get the show. there is no touchy-feely allowed. if you try, two BIG bouncers will show you the pavement outside.

if you want that sort of entertainment, and you shouldnt (and if you do, you shouldnt be getting hitched) go find yourself a brothel....eewww.

[Polyal]

Ah ok...well I wasn't quite sure, I would never get "more" but was curious to know what others have done. This year is going to be crazy, a few mates getting engaged and its just going to have a domino effect...ah!

[GXL078]

Ask Dr. Phil for his advice: http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=10995

[MITCHAY]

She obviously doesn't know men. Do first, think later! If my wife-to-be told me I could go to a strip club then I wouldn't be think about possible motives behind it.

Hell I would just do it anyway. It's harmless fun and they get up to the same **** on hens nights.

Some chick who was having her hens night was asking random dudes for a root at some club I was at sometime. Hate to be the poor bloke marrying her!

Nothing wrong with the silent treatment. Women are either nagging you or not talking to you. J/K :

[Walkinshaw]

Originally Posted by madxh96

She is now saying that the only reason she gave me the green light was to see if, in the face of 20 of my closest mates, I could say no to being dragged into the place. In other words, she baited me into it as a test to see if I would say no of my own accord. I failed.

Clearly not. She failed for setting you up. She needs to learn to trust/respect you by the sounds of things.

[Simmo]

from the one strip joint i've been to on a bucks, the girls let you touch their boobs but nothing else. of course i've heard the rumours of 'going in the back' but from my mate who won a free 'in the back' session on the raffle, nothing happened there either.

[4.9 EF Futura]

Sounds like foul play from the Mrs.

a) It's a bucks show. Everyone knows exactly what's going on at a bucks show.
b) It's a bucks show.
c) She set you up with some little mind game.
d) If she'd said "no strippers", im sure you would have (grudlingly) respected her wishes.
e) You were honest about what happened (we assume).
f) It's a bucks show.


Just apologise, buy flowers, whatever it takes to cheer her up. Pick your battles mate

[Ringo]

Whoa buddy, feeling for you brother. Chicks n Bucks nights rarely go together well.....

It is unfair to 'test' your partner. You either trust them and have faith in them or you don't.

She wants to test if you'll say no to peer group pressure - WTF? - tell her that all your mates know that she is upset about it and see if the peer group thinking that she is a ball breaking hypocrtical drama queen who doesn't trust her man and see if she changes her tune. Chicks hate to be seen as being uptight drama queens...sometimes

From the moment you got engaged this was a potential issue for her and she never raised it? Was she planning this little test for ages? At the point she decided she was uncomfortable she should have said something - its called communication.

I trust Mrs Ringo with a credit card and a shopping trip that she would not buy anything that might upset me without checking first.

She trusts me to go on a bucks night and not do anything that would upset her. Secrets are no allowed by the way...I have nothing to hide so she can ask anything and I will tell her the truth. This is a key thing - no secrets. Chicks imaginations run away with them after hearing BS buck's night stories.

My bucks nite consisted of me and mostly guys from the family including Mrs Ringo's 78 year old grandfather (hadn't seen him smile like that for ages) and her 17 year old brother (shhhh) watching me be ridden on all fours while being whipped with a riding crop, covered with whipped cream and other stuff. My dad was there too and it was very very humiliating...but also good fun. Mrs Ringo knows all the details and ****es herself about the riding crop now but at the time my bucks night was a sensitve subject.

Watch out for the friends of your fiance - they can gee her up a fair bit about how tight or loose the leash is. Regardless of her attitude towards it she might be putting on a show for her friends in pulling you into line. Mrs Ringo has a friend like that who promised to get 'the real story' of my bucks night from her fiance who came along. Mrs Ringo ended up knowing more than the friend did about the night because the friends fiance had a curfew imposed on him and had to leave early.

PS - telling a chick that its secret mens business is like asking her if she has PMS.

Stay strong here - you communicated, you did not disobey her, you did nothing wrong, but still acknowledge that your sorry she is upset and that you wish you had known she felt that way before YOUR night.

**Ringo gives a male solidarity salute to you (and wishes you luck)

[Bundy]

Dump her, find a meaningful one night relationship and don't take her back until she's on here knees begging to be trusted again. Mind games are the quickest killer of relationships, if its started already, move on, maturity will come later for her.
My 2 bobs worth.

[merlin]

What a crock of crap! Sorry mate but if she cant accept some harmless fun at a bucks night she's not worth it. Hell I showed my fiance the video of my private strip dance taken on a mobile phone - she thought it was hilarious. She needs to seriously lighten up!

[Mechan1k]

Unlucky man ... my wife organised the stripper/waitress for my bucks party ... as my mates were too lazy to do it themselves.

[Ringo]

Maybe she will have a male stripper 'the helicopter' for her on her hens night and see that its all just harmless bit of fun...

Mrs Ringo still talks about that guy....I aparently can't do it as well as he did it...but she like that I try.... :

[big_pete]

ouch, i wouldnt want to be in your position.

show her this thread

[GXL078]

I didnt need to have a buck's night because I haven't got any friends.

[FTE217]

Originally Posted by RATT

She'll get over it.

Short and sweet but True lol......

If she really loves you she'll get over it but it will be brought up in the heat of the moment years down the track as to remind you of all the things wrong you do to her :evil3: lol......

[fiery]

Women have to learn playing with fire will get you burnt. Playing mind games just ends in tears, heartbreak and loneliness.

These are two things my grandmother said to me 6months prior to my first marriage.

My personal opinion (but I am only female also, so could be completely off the rail) she gave you permission, not a choice, permission.
Is that correct?

The mature sensible thing to have done is if she said, 'go if you must or want to, but I would prefer you didn't'. That way she is letting you make your own mind up but you also know she will be unhappy if you do go.

Be firm, stop letting her stamp her feet like a spoilt child and tell her you guys need to sit and decide if you want to continue with the wedding.
That will either bring it to an end (the childish behaviour) after you talk and explain everything or it will end the wedding plans.

Either way, and I really don't mean to sound harsh, if she doesn't trust you with this issue, mate, marriage is hard enough sometimes without starting out with a nasty mistrust issue beforehand.

Good luck, hope it all works out and you guys get married and are extremely happy.

*EDIT: every woman knows you don't give an off hand remark to a man and hope he understands it. You don't want him to go somewhere, say it, don't play it (anything thing my gran used to say : )

[Sorted]

Originally Posted by RATT

She'll get over it.

Agreed with above also. love how women twist what they say to completely mean the opposite......

Honey do I look fat in these pants?

If you say yes you get beaten down.
If you say no and she thinks she looks fat in them you get beaten down.

HOPEFULLY she will get over it........

Where is that other essay writer XRchic, Fiery has already given you one women's point of view......lol

[GRNKPR]

i love bucks night s and mine was a ball tearer give her a couple of days but its a bit unfair she is being like this first signs of her never letting you go to anymore mates bucks night in your life (Run now ) or tell her everything and if she dont like it bad luck all you can be is truthful. I cant wait till my next one and it will be going off !!!!!!!!!!

[Bucknaked]

I don't understand why you need permission. I've been to plenty of strip shows, and other types of shows in Thailand :hihi:, and I always tell Julie that I'm going and what time I think I'll be home. She has zero problem with it. I guess maybe because she trusts me. Some women can be so up tight, that it will only get worst when your married. The only thing you can do is check to see how big that finger print is on your forehead.

If you have a good trusting relationship, stuff like this should not worry her.

[XPcoupe]

There's nothing wrong with strippers. I am a regular visitor. I know a few girls personally now. It is all fun. it keeps you passion alive. If you stop preving whats the use of living. As long as you eat at home I can not see any problems with it. As the other guys have said mind games and lies is the quickest killer to a relation ship. I was married for 3 months once.

Quiet sit down and chat will sort it out one way or another. Talking about it is the key. Silent treatment just makes it worse. do before getting married.

Has she got a problem trusting you or something.

[The Yeti]

They all get a bit tense so close to the wedding, and you will be as well I wouldnt get her a stirpper it will only make things worse (I told you so's have a nasty habit of back fireing) just calmly talk to her explain that it was a bucks night not somthing you do when ever you go out with your mates, the lap dance is nothing lets face it it was all a bit of public humiliation and was in no way plesurable.

Dont loose your temper say your peace and let it go you'll be eating **** for a few days seh'll get over it and you'll all live happily ever after

[sfr rob]

I have the same dilema... not really a problem but i dont want no male strippers playing with my mrs, and vice versa, so we have agreed that we are having NO strippers.
I am taking all my mates out to our holiday house far away from females, and just going to have a good time driking etc.
I have been to way many bucks partys where stuff 'goes down' and it creates so many problems later it's just not worth it.

Your Mr's sounds ALOT like mine!