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The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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27-06-2005, 07:46 AM | #1 | |||
Redhead extraordinaire...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 2,049
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There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story?????. OH, come on...take a guess! Think about it. You're going to love this! And the moral is... You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!
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Bindi 88 EA- his car 88 Rolla - MY car Quote:
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27-06-2005, 10:27 PM | #2 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Kirrawee NSW
Posts: 826
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Ok, not bad. But the story of "two dogs" was better.
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27-06-2005, 10:56 PM | #3 | ||
Order of the Temple
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 265
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Ok try this one.
A Pharmacist walks in to the shop & notices a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?" The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives". The owner, wide -eyed and excited shouts : "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives". The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can, look at him he's afraid to cough." |
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27-06-2005, 11:37 PM | #4 | ||
Tricolore Tard
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,954
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bwhahaha that 2nd one is great !
chris
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27-06-2005, 11:40 PM | #5 | ||
Order of the Temple
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 265
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sorry to out do you Bindi :-)-
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28-06-2005, 06:45 AM | #6 | |||
Redhead extraordinaire...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 2,049
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Oh I'm not in it for "winning". As I pointed out in the title of the post, it's a stupid joke
Here's a quickie - no offence meant by the way: I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "P*ss off". They said "Come on, it's for spastics and blind kids." Then I thought........f**k it, I could win this. Here's another, I probably posted it somewhere else on here: A man walked into his house with a duck under his arm and said, "This is the pig I've been shagging." His wife said "that's not a pig it's a duck!" Man says "I was talking to the duck!"
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Bindi 88 EA- his car 88 Rolla - MY car Quote:
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28-06-2005, 12:18 PM | #7 | ||
Bolt Nerd
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ojochal, Costa Rica (Pura Vida!)
Posts: 15,202
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Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons and says: "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar,dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up... "I'll try it! Just don't hit me too hard with the beer bottle" |
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29-06-2005, 10:53 AM | #8 | ||
I am The Brain!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 648
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Hehehhehe. Contrary to what some believe, I found yours the funniest bindi!
But the others were great too!
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Long Live Cricket - Australia's favourite sport Woohoo 1.6L 1999 Toyota Corolla....feel the power! I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant. |
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29-06-2005, 11:32 AM | #9 | ||
Shakern, not stirred
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Canberra
Posts: 709
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David Hassleoff goes to his agent and says "I want to be known as the Hoff from now on" and the agent says "sure no Hassle"
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New toy, 2005 TX RWD Territory, Black, optioned with Ex JC Cross 5 19's soon to be matt black alloys in 19x8.5, cruise and tinted glass, tricky pedals, JVC Head Unit in the what use to be tissue holder, reversre camera, Ford window shades, JC sourced cargo blind, MOMO wheel (in black of course). MB Quartz 2 ways in rear doors and Precision Response 6" Kevlar splits in front doors, LED DRL's, fog lights with angel eyes and Castle Headers, Hurricane cat and XR8 Hotdog |
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29-06-2005, 11:40 AM | #10 | |||
Adapt or perish...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Dip!@#$
Posts: 7,954
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Quote:
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Carless
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29-06-2005, 11:47 AM | #11 | ||
Guest
Posts: n/a
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A British survey this week asked 500 women, " Would you have an affair with Shane Warne?"
Over 85% responded with, "No, never again". |
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