friday funnies

[Dodge]

post ur jokes here


A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! "

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!”

[Dodge]

this ones GOLD

Girls' Night Out...

Two women, who had been friends for years, decided to go for a 'Girls' Night Out,' and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something. The first woman had nothing to dry herself with; she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. So she dried herself with the ribbon.

The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This 'Girls' Night Out' thing has got to stop right now! My wife came home last night without her panties."

That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her a$$ that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION, WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!"

[Mechan1k]

Hahahaha ... The Girl's Night Out was excellent

[InitialD]

1st one is gold ;) 2nd is a repost

[Dodge]

Monday Madness
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean tough looking lady opens the door, before she has a chance to say anything he runs insde and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, " Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders cleaning this up, I'II eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says," You want tomato sauce with that?"
The salesman says,"Why do you ask?"
She says, " We just moved in and we havent got the electricity turned on yet."

[bindi]

1.Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on" insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

6. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

7. What is the speed of darkness?

8. If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

9. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

11. If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

12. If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

I dunno!! Do you?