|
|
|
|
|
|
Welcome to the Australian Ford Forums forum. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and inserts advertising. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members, respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features without post based advertising banners. Registration is simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us. Please Note: All new registrations go through a manual approval queue to keep spammers out. This is checked twice each day so there will be a delay before your registration is activated. |
|
|||||||
| The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
 |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
28-08-2005, 09:15 PM
|
#1 | ||
|
1965 GT MUSTANG
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 774
|
While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work". To which he asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher", I responded. The copper was surprised and confused "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well" I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I get my other hand in, and then I slowly start to stretch the hole, until it's about six feet." Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six foot *******?" To which I politely replied," You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....." Speeding ticket: $105.00 Court costs: $45 Look on copper's face: Priceless
__________________
Never to old to ride a pony
= 1965 GT MUSTANG |
||
|
|
|
28-08-2005, 09:37 PM
|
#2 | ||
|
Bolt Nerd
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ojochal, Costa Rica (Pura Vida!)
Posts: 14,741
|
Magic!!!... Bwahhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa
__________________
Current vehicles.. Yamaha Rhino UTV, SWB 4L TJ Jeep, and boring Lhd RAV4 Bionic BF F6... UPDATE: Replaced by Shiro White 370z 7A Roadster. SOLD Workhack: FG Silhouette XR50 Turbo ute (11.63@127.44mph) SOLD 2 wheels.. 2015 103ci HD Wideglide.. SOLD SOLD THE LOT, Voted with our feet and relocated to COSTA RICA for some Pura Vida! (Ex Blood Orange #023 FPV Pursuit owner  : )
|
||
|
|
|
|
28-08-2005, 09:42 PM
|
#3 | ||
|
AYE YOU
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 251
|
ROFL!!!!
Thats Gold |
||
|
|
|
|
28-08-2005, 09:46 PM
|
#4 | |||
|
No longer driving a Ford.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 2,969
|
Hahaha, how long did it take to recover from the beating with the baton? :hihi:
__________________
Quote:
|
|||
|
|
|
|
28-08-2005, 11:08 PM
|
#5 | |||
|
my other ride is the bus.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Under a rock.
Posts: 1,367
|
Ah Mudsy my friend... that is bloody classic!
__________________
1994 ED Fairmont Ghia (Retired to the shed...) 1999 AU Futura + Lots of Land Rovers Quote:
|
|||
|
|
|
|
29-08-2005, 01:51 PM
|
#6 | ||
|
Formally knowen as EBus
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Brisvegas Northside
Posts: 685
|
hahahahahahaha that is pure gold!!! lol got anymore??
 :
__________________
Car: :evilking: 91 EB Fairmont 3.9L :evilking: Changes: 5 spd manual Extractors, 2.5in exhaust AMG Quake 17's w/ maxxis rubba Lovelle superlows Cheap a55 Pod Filter Bike: CR250R 05 :evil3: |
||
|
|
|
|
29-08-2005, 01:59 PM
|
#7 | ||
|
Custom User Title:
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 651
|
Hehe that's brilliant.
__________________
____________
Just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop p**s at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think... this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. |
||
|
|
|
|
29-08-2005, 03:38 PM
|
#8 | ||
|
Hoon On The Rise
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Open Roads with Boost!
Posts: 9,924
|
Love it!!!!!!!!! :evilking:
__________________
 Stomp 'n' Steer FGX-XR8 Manual, BFII E-Gas, '11 GSXR 1000 - Love 'em!
FPV Tickford Club of NSW - www.fpvclub.com |
||
|
|
|
|
29-08-2005, 04:18 PM
|
#9 | ||
|
beep beep
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 1,971
|
I think that is the second time in a month that joke has been on here...
__________________
Nothing to see here, move along, move along... |
||
|
|
|
|
29-08-2005, 04:32 PM
|
#10 | ||
|
Local Riff Raff
Join Date: May 2005
Location: In your head? RE HE HE HEALLY
Posts: 124
|
That is gold, i love it
I cant really roll around on the floor laughing because im in the uni library but bloody hell, that is one of the best i have heard for ages. Philthy
__________________
Give me POWER!!!!!  :
|
||
|
|
|
|
01-09-2005, 11:15 AM
|
#11 | ||
|
Bolt Nerd
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ojochal, Costa Rica (Pura Vida!)
Posts: 14,741
|
Hope these haven't been posted already?? But gave me a giggle!
Jake was dying . His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears streaming down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber . He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly, " Becky ,my darling ," he whispered. "Hush my love ," she said."rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something to confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "Everything is under control, go to sleep." "No,no I must die in peace. Becky I slept with your sister, her best friend and your mother!" "I know my sweet one", whispered Becky, "just be quiet and let the poison do it's work." And another one A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door: "Hurry," she said," stand in the corner. Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to." she whispered. "Just pretend your'e a statue." "What's this, Honey? "The husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smith's bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around 2 in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for 3 days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water
__________________
Current vehicles.. Yamaha Rhino UTV, SWB 4L TJ Jeep, and boring Lhd RAV4 Bionic BF F6... UPDATE: Replaced by Shiro White 370z 7A Roadster. SOLD Workhack: FG Silhouette XR50 Turbo ute (11.63@127.44mph) SOLD 2 wheels.. 2015 103ci HD Wideglide.. SOLD SOLD THE LOT, Voted with our feet and relocated to COSTA RICA for some Pura Vida! (Ex Blood Orange #023 FPV Pursuit owner : )
|
||
|
|
|
Priceless (joke)
: 
Linear Mode
