Here are a few for laughs

[XRCIST]

Ok, its 2 in the morning. Im bored. I thought id post a few up


A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist`s office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There`s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We`re not trying to find out anything. She`s married and we can`t go to her house. I`m married and we can`t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare

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It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."

He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black."

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Contrary to popular opinion, duct tape IS NOT good for fixing everything!!!

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, When are you going out?"

"I met her the other evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my pen*s to my leg, so if I did it, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible," says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest, dress you ever saw."

"And then what happened?" asked Jeff.

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.) "I kicked her in the face."

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This guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come dressed as different emotions e.g. anger, fear etc

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door
to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on
his chest. He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies,
"Brilliant come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door
to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa
wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled
pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the
host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, Stark naked, one with his willy stuck in a bowl of custard, and the other with his willy stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out there in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?" Paddy replies, "Well, I'm f*cking
discustard, and my friend here has just come in dispair."!!!!!

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And this is one for all the racing fans out there

Horses in race are:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Clean Sheets
3. Bare Belly
4. Thighs
5. Silk Panties
6. Big Dick
7. Conscience
8. Heavy Bosom
9. Jockey Shorts
10. Merry Cherry

At the post:

They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and
Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy bosom is being pressured.

Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is in a very dangerous
spot.

At the Halfway Mark:

It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard agains Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and
Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific
pressure from Big Dick.

At the Stretch:

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive.
Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

At the Finish:

Its Big Dick giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes
everything Big Dick has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but BigDick
comes through with one final spurt and wins by a head. Bare Belly
shows. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pull up. Clean Sheets never had a
chance.............

[BZINGA]

: : Thought they were all good. ( 2.30am : )

[Night Runner]

ROFLMAO!!! Loved the "Horse race" : LOL....goes to next thread laughing........

[vandrsxr6]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and so on.

Funny as.

[ThoR_]

lmfao

[XR6_661]

Bahahah that horse race one is great!

[ONBA1L]

heres one very old though but here goes.

3 women are stranded in the dessert 2 brunettes and 1 blonde
the car happens to break down so the 3 women decide to abandon the car and bring 1 item each with them.
the first brunette says "im going to bring a drink bottle so when im thirsty i can have a drink".
the second brunette says "im going to bring a hat so i dont get burnt in the sun".
the blonde then rips the door off the hinges
the two brunettes say "what are you going to do with that"?
the blonde replies "so when it gets hot i can wind down the window"

Old but a classic i thought

[Gibson]

A guy goes to a costume party wearing only his trousers.
"well" The host says. "what are you supposed to be?"
"Premature Ejaculation" the guy replies. "I just came in my pants".

[gtfpv]

very good mate . well done, 2 ports down another to go.