Citizenship: The Holden driver's lament

[Pedro]

Don't know if this has been up before, but I haven't seen it;
2007 Australian Citizenship test


1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term 'died in the '?

No longer functioning – e.g. My HSV GTO has died in the .


2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?

The FPV Falcon that I bought to replace the HSV GTO that died in the .


3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

Yes, they all things that you do if you test drive a VE Commodore. Chuck a sickie – what you did to take the day of to go and test drive the VE. Chuck spaz – what you did when you found it was a pile of crap. Chuck a U-ey – what you did after five minutes of driving it and decided to return to the dealership.


4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'

What happened at my house last Christmas. Steve and Dad had a fight because Steve was a tool and bought himself Astra Turbo for Christmas. Dad won.


5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?

None, this is a trick question as Toranas are not capable of going 100 km/h.


6. Complete the following sentences:

a) 'If the van's rockin' don't bother ? Knockin’ – unless it’s a Sandman and your daughter is in there and you want to prevent her from having retarded children, which is likely because she is mating with some buffoon who bought a Holden.

b) You're going home in the back of a ? Divvy Van. Most likely to be a Rodeo Ute with a large lockable metal canopy on the back. Police forces choose these as it is of little concern if someone throws up in the back of a Holden.

c) Fair crack of the ? Whip. What Mark Skaife said when Ford won Bathurst in 2006.


7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

What Mark Skaife said when Ford won Bathurst in 2007.


8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

I plan to be on the giving end of a wedgie if I ever meet Greg Murphy in person. It will probably be the Atomic variety if all goes to plan.


9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard 'up on blocks'? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

Yes and funnily enough, you won’t believe this, it is a Holden.


10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?

No, sounds like blue collar activity/apparel/meal, better ask a Holden driver about that.


11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

Hey rissole, rhymes with @rsehole, which rhymes with Tom Walkinshaw.


12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

Sorry, I don’t have a Tim Tam with me, but I have Crow, a Holden Supporter and DVD’s of Bathurst from 2006 and 2007.


13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?

No but Toll HSV have a bloke named Rick who doesn’t smoke 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a girl.


14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?

Yes I believe that was at Queensland Media Launch for the Camira at Surfers Paradise International Raceway in 1982.


15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

I don’t eat my own meat, I don’t eat other peoples meat. Best ask the members of Team Red about that as most of them are into that kind of stuff.


16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

Beetroot. Speaking of things purple and rooted, how is your XU1 going?


17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?

Lawn Mower & Esky – Yes. Thongs & Ugg Boots – No – See Answer 10.


18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?

If you are driving a Holden it is more likely due to your reduced mental capacity and lack of physical dexterity.


19. Who would you like to crack on to?

Leanne Tander, just to Garth off, preferably the night before next year’s Supercheap 1000.


20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, John 'True Blue' Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

Kylie Minogue, I know for certain her dad is a Ford Supporter, I’ve been on a Tarmac Rally with him.


21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?

No I have my own trailer and pool, however I do have some acquaintances who borrow my trailer after their has died in the at the racetrack, no prize for guessing which brand of vehicle most of them drive.


22. What does "sinkin at a mates joint and getten para" mean? See Answer 10.