Fri funny

**Charliewool** · 07-10-2005, 07:42 AM

An Aussie, a Lebo and a Greek are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Lebo drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says,
"In Lebanon our glasses are so cheap that we don 't need to drink from
the same one twice. "
The Greek obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says,
"In Greece we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need
to drink out of the same glass twice either. "
The Aussie, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Lebo
and the Greek . He says " In Australia we have so many Lebos & Greeks
that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.

**Charliewool** · 07-10-2005, 07:44 AM

A Somali man arrives in Sydneyas a new immigrant to Australia. He stops
the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you
Mr. Australian for letting me in this country!"
But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am from Ireland.

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in Australia.
The person says "I no Australian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Australia.
That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Iraq, I am not an
Australian.

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an
Australian "?
She says, "No, I am from New Zealand.
So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Australians?"
The New Zealand lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says..."Probably at
work."

bindi · 07-10-2005, 08:33 AM

Here's one I got sent today...

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

bindi · 07-10-2005, 08:34 AM

And another...

A husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, ........"The fu*king funeral director would be my guess."

LuvinmyEB · 07-10-2005, 03:39 PM

Bahahahaha they're all great!

:

luke · 07-10-2005, 03:54 PM

that made my day guys

Hardtopxb · 07-10-2005, 04:05 PM

haw,haw,haw .Yeah, good start for the weekend....go the FORDS..

Simmo · 07-10-2005, 04:27 PM

ahahahahaha those first 2 are goddamn GOLD!!!!!

phoon · 07-10-2005, 07:08 PM

A young virgin who is about to be married, goes to her doctor to find out about the male anatomy. She confessess to the doctor that she has just seen her boyfriends privates for the first time. She asks the doctor " what is the shaft thing between my boyfriends legs called". The doctor replies" thats called a p**is dear. Well then she says " whats the round thing at the start of the p** called. The doctor replies " thats called the head of the p**is my dear. OK she says. Well about 14 inches back from the head of the p**is, there are these two round things. What are they called doctor. Doctor says "For your sake dear, I hope they're called the cheeks of his A*se

gtfpv · 07-10-2005, 07:17 PM

they are all very funny.i like these friday funnies.

Black S · 07-10-2005, 07:17 PM

Entertainment for awhile..

Daisy Duke dances for you.

http://www.surrealcode.com/daisydukedances4you/

gtfpv · 07-10-2005, 07:31 PM

a pommy new to australia gets on a bus one morning and sees a nice young woman with soft skin and a very humble manner . being a genuine pom he politely approaches the girl and says' how about a Fu*k. the girl promptly puts her head down and signals the bus driver to get off . which she does in disgust .
the bus driver turns to the pommy and says , things are differant here mate you have no chance here with lines like that , however that girl is in training to be a none she is a virgin and the only way to score with her will be at the church gardens that she walks through evry afternoon at 3. if youdress up as a priest and approach her she will most likely have no choice other than oblidge . so the pommy listened to the driver and decided to take his advice.
the next day at 3 sure enough the new none was walking through the gardens and the pommy turned up in his priest suit and grbbed her from behind the girl saw thew robes and said . i am a virgin and want to remain that way . so i'll take it from behind . the pommy couldn't believe his luck and went for it . after he had finished he told the girl he was the man who propositioned her on the bus yesterday. the none turned around lifted her vale and replied in a deep voice . yes i know i was the bus driver.

gtfpv · 19-10-2005, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtfpv

a pommy new to australia gets on a bus one morning and sees a nice young woman with soft skin and a very humble manner . being a genuine pom he politely approaches the girl and says' how a boat a Fook. the girl promptly puts her head down and signals the bus driver to get off . which she does in disgust .
the bus driver turns to the pommy and says , things are differant here mate you have no chance here with lines like that , however that girl is in training to be a none she is a virgin and the only way to score with her will be at the church gardens that she walks through evry afternoon at 3. if youdress up as a priest and approach her she will most likely have no choice other than oblidge . so the pommy listened to the driver and decided to take his advice.
the next day at 3 sure enough the new none was walking through the gardens and the pommy turned up in his priest suit and grbbed her from behind the girl saw thew robes and said . i am a virgin and want to remain that way . so i'll take it from behind . the pommy couldn't believe his luck and went for it . after he had finished he told the girl he was the man who propositioned her on the bus yesterday. the none turned around lifted her vale and replied in a deep voice . yes i know i was the bus driver.

he he.

luke · 19-10-2005, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gtfpv

he he.

ha!
you awoke this thread from 11 days ago to say "he he"!! lol its at your own joke too...

:

on a more serious note that is pretty funny.

Shonky · 19-10-2005, 09:56 AM

bravo gtfpv!

Wow! Goddam! That is the BEST joke I have ever heard in my life!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Happy now?

EDIT: Damn it... Avatar again...

geza · 19-10-2005, 11:46 PM

THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS:

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,"This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a HEADACHE and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history......................