Things people just shouldn't.. and i mean SHOULDN'T have said...

[BENT_8]

My brother who is a self confessed know it all when it's anything automotive, spent a whole christmas party explaining to me why Holdens always won the V8 races.
He reakons it was because the Commodores were running the Chev 350 maaaaate, and the Falcons still have 302's which was unfare he reakons.
Hey, i tried to explain the parity of the two cars, but he's older so he knows all.
Fortunately, most of the people were from the UK and had no idea he was talking crape.
TOOL OF THE WEEK!

[fordOwner]

I was told..

"Nah mate this van has disk AND drum brakes at the front!"

[Den.]

Originally Posted by xr8ute

Street Machine lost any and all credibility for me, when they kept referring to the engine in FOX-1 (from Running on Empty) as the "legendary" 440 six-pack hemi......*******.

What's sadder is that CHRYSLER calls it's current wedge a "Hemi"!! And North Americans believe it! then they boast about racing Ford Lightnings (After $5000 worth of mods in the Dodge) in which as we all know, the 5.4 IS a Hemi!! The Dodge guys don't like having that pointed out and deny it. But facts are facts.

Welcome to North America.: Land of the add campaign! :

[shane3]

Yesterday I was told by Glenn (the guy on the other side of the bench) that his 2ltr twin turbo Gemini would leave my GT for dead, and he was getting "nitro" added to the car. I asked him if he ment "nitrous oxide" he said "no.....nitro is more powerful", he tried to convince me that....
"it's a very well kept secret that the nitro gas that people use in there remote control toy cars is more powerful then the big bottled stuff, you can add it to your petrol and the cops and no one else can tell"
I asked him what he ment and he said "how do you think those small cars go so fast"
I just gave up and went back to work.

[Grasshoppr]

A guy at a party a few years back once tried to tell me BS about his "project drag VL"

'Apparently' _ he was developing a manifold which enabled him to run a turbo off each cylinder netting him a 7 sec qtr mile :

When I asked him "how does it work and how are you going to fit 6 turbos and all that piping in the engine bay?" his reply was "its still waiting for patent approval so I can't explain anything about it to you"

"Okay, so which workshop are you getting the work done at...?" "my contract with them states I can not talk about it anymore" sleep: loser

[gozza]

altought thats unlikely ive seen an 8 with a turbo for each cylinder...ii think someone posted it up on here one day

[GXL078]

Originally Posted by 6cylEA

I think I have a good one...

this guy claimed that his brothers nissan TR-X could out run a VT clubsport...(mind you it was standard..)

then he got older and he claimed to drifted around a big round about in the dry all the way around it twice in a 92 camry(stock of cause), then he said a cop pulled him over and he said that he lost control and he was just adjusting it(mind you he says "his a race car driver")and thats what he told the cop. Then the cop suposably took off and did a burn out so old mate said he he drove up beside him and pulled him over and tokk his badge number and reported it back at the station and "apparently" the cop lost his job. Then he tells me he was doing burnouts outside the police station in reverese (in the camry) and a cop came out and said "good burnout I couldn't even see you"
then he tells me that he hasn't lost any points on his liscence meanwhile this is while he was waiting for a bus....

What a FRIGGIN TOSSER! Reminds me of the kid on skateboard who told me my CAR was a H.O.S......

[Den.]

Originally Posted by BLKPhoon

A guy at a party a few years back once tried to tell me BS about his "project drag VL"

'Apparently' _ he was developing a manifold which enabled him to run a turbo off each cylinder netting him a 7 sec qtr mile :

When I asked him "how does it work and how are you going to fit 6 turbos and all that piping in the engine bay?" his reply was "its still waiting for patent approval so I can't explain anything about it to you"

"Okay, so which workshop are you getting the work done at...?" "my contract with them states I can not talk about it anymore" sleep: loser

Tell him there are easier ways. HAHA.

This is my friend Chip's ride.

Chip's Rod!!

It runs 8's on alcohol and is street driven. Chip's made it faster since then but hasn'r run it yet.............

(he did tell me that alky was something like $18 galUS!!)

[Matthew]

I have a few good ones from my class.
One day in english class we were talking about the victorian ages theres a guy just dum but ok, and his mate whos as dum as a wall. The ok dum guy asks were there surfs boards around then we had a bit of a laugh then his stupid ******** friend asks have beaches been around for ever and he couldnt understand why everyone was laughing at him he was dead serious teacher couldnt believe it and gave him the answer, what a ********

two guys fighting over if v8supercars were supercharged i was laughing as i walked past

[Matthew]

Another one a egyptian guy in my class when i was in year 6 would always tell me supras are the best because there v12 LOL i argued with him supras are not v12's until mid year 8 when he finally believed me : .
He also thinks toyota is the best still does ill argue till he believes me again

[bob 351]

I once new a truckdriver that claimed he drove a kent worthy

[GXL078]

Guy at school: "Automatics should use less fuel than manuals because they change gear at exactly the right time" I tried to explain about the losses due to the fluid coupling in the torque convertor. It took about 6 months until he agreed with me. Same guy also used to argue that cassette tapes were "better quality" than LP records, (that's the era we were in). His argument was that they make records from magnetic tape recordings! My argument was I did a show on the local radio station and they wouldn't allow us to play cassette tapes on air due to the poor quality. We never agreed on that one.

[MITCHAY]

My brother says he can drive my car better than me and he's never driven an AWD turbo before! Not only that the only experience he has is driving and stuffing up his Excel and all his Commodores.

Also my TX5 was always crap but jump started his shitboxes that many times and flogged them too.

He is a treasure trove. Just listen to him for maybe 1/2 hr if you can last that long and you will want to knock him out!

[bf tubs]

buying my mate a beer ..wat u want ...ill have a carlton united
yeh mine does 14s.... u been to the drags hey.... no i just know it does
Some guy.... my mate test drove a hsv from the one on leach hwy
me.... yeah cool
SG....he was doing 250 with the salesman in the car
me.... all green lights and no traffic that day
SG....yeh
me.... o kay
(wen i was 8 or 9) look dad that exhaust pipe is huge it must be real fast
my dad .... doesnt mean anything the car is is a pos
lesson all dads out there teach ur kids bout rice at an early age or the may grow up being talked bout on this forum in a thread just like this

[AdzT3-146]

Originally Posted by shane3

Yesterday I was told by Glenn (the guy on the other side of the bench) that his 2ltr twin turbo Gemini would leave my GT for dead, and he was getting "nitro" added to the car. I asked him if he ment "nitrous oxide" he said "no.....nitro is more powerful", he tried to convince me that....
"it's a very well kept secret that the nitro gas that people use in there remote control toy cars is more powerful then the big bottled stuff, you can add it to your petrol and the cops and no one else can tell"
I asked him what he ment and he said "how do you think those small cars go so fast"
I just gave up and went back to work.

haha, seriously man I think it's to time to request to move to a different bench :

[Gobes32]

When we finished school one of me mates took off to w.a to work in holes in the ground. Bloke knows nothing about cars and decides he needs a new ride. All cashed up and no knowledge he heads to local holden dealer. Tells guy he needs car with cd player, friendly salesman points out brand new Clubsport with CD PLAYER! $70,000 out of pocket i see him a year later, nice car i mention, didn't think this is what you would buy, he casually mentions it was the model with a cd player!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[70caprigt3k]

Heres a couple

There was this chick in my grade (10) at highschool (thicker than a truckload of cinder blocks) and one day in a maths lesson we were doing trigonometry and one of the examples involved finding out a certain area of an airport runway and she quickly puts her hand up and asks "whats a runway?" then after i picked myself up off the floor i was soon down there again when the topic turned to something to do with snow then she asks "how come it doesn't snow in Australia?".

Same school, same year different person:

Them: "Nah man ford do not make the 351 cleveland"
Me: "What makes you say that?"
Them: "No Ford ever came out with a cleveland"
Me: "Your kidding right?"
Them: "I can't remember the name of the engine"
Me: "Cleveland?"
Them: "No"
Me: "Retard!"

[normxb]

1/ Years ago I was at a Servo filling up the wife's 2L Escort Ghia she had at the time , young guy comes up & says "I got a ONE OFF of these" , proceeded to tell it was a "Special Ford Project Car"

"Yeah , it was built at a Top Secret Ford Factory in France , only Factory built V8 Escort in the world , Ford tried to sell it but nobody wanted it & I bought it real cheap . :nutsycuck .

I says " WOW , ya gotta give me a look ? ? ?

Young guy = " Aww sorry , can only drive it on the road when the police give me an escort , & they gotta have their lights flashing cos it's Sooo Powerful .. and that takes time to arrange ...

Man , you needed "Wellies" to walk through the BS he was telling ,

2/ Stopped in Penrith once towing my racecar Silverdale Hillclimb , young kid in a 1300 LJ Torana says " I've done heaps of work on my car and it "eats cars like your's for dinner" ...I asked what he'd done to it =====

Oh! Sports Aircleaner , Biggest Exhaust you can get , New shocks , Big swaybars , AND a Special wire connecting the spark plugs together ,
it doubles the power ? ? ? ? Hear how "Lumpy it is" . (was nearly stalling from a missfire)

Would that eat an "FC holden , 192 , triple carbs , 40/80 cam , Aussie 4 sp & 4 wheel discs ....." somehow I think NOT.

[Steffo]

Originally Posted by EL_661

My Mates Gf: "My dad is buying me a skyline for when I get my learners, but I'm going to have to get a 4cylinder because dad won't let me get a V6 Skyline"

V6 Skyline's actually exist though.

[BeStRaFe]

Guy at work:
my excell is faster then your falcon (little home hack turbo job - still had REAR DRUMS!!! ... typical leb job of painting calipers and drum, and mirrors)
me: point?
guy: ill give you 100$ if your car beats me
me: anytime

long story short... he took off on the road going out of work... a 100 zone...
i put my foot down and i was past him in about ummm 7 seconds

he bailed on the cash because he said "ohh my clutch is screwing up"
ahh welll

[Windsor220]

This is from a work experience kid that came to my work a while ago.

WEK - I drove through a speed camera the other day
Me - How could you if you dont have a licence
WEK - I was on my Ls. Flashed me when I was doing 200km/h in a 50 zone
Me - 200!? What car did you that in
WEK - A Ford Meteor
Me - Geez that must of struggled to reach that speed hey
WEK - Nah I've had it up to 270km/h before.
WEK - Oh actually it was in a school zone so it would of been only 40

At this point my brain just shut off and concentrated on work. Bloody kids these days. He had heaps more bs stories after that one too.

[shane3]

Not a BS story just a prank that got me fired, at a factory I once worked in we had the bosses nephew (14 yo) in for work experience and one of the jobs that Friday was to clean up the storage room, I went in to get one of the extension lead and couldn't find one, anyway I asked him if he had seen the cordless extension lead, and this is how it went...

Me, hay have you seen the cordless extension lead

Him, what

Me, the cordless extension lead, you seen it?

Him, what’s a cordless extension lead

Me, god, the cordless extension lead, you know, power pack one end and receiver the other end that plugs into the lead, small black box with a small areal, there should be 2 of them.

Him, never seen it

Me, shit its brand new and cost a shit load

any way I walked out and found a normal lead and finish my work, at afternoon tea he asked how it worked, I explained to him its like a cordless phone, the electricity is sent like a signal from the first power pack that’s plugged into the wall and received by the 2nd one that’s plugged into the lead of the tool that your using, he seemed to understand how it worked.
Come Monday morning the boss calls me into the office and asked what is a cordless extension lead as his nephew had asked him about it, I gave him the same speel ( I had only been in the place for 2 week's), any way the boss actually started making phone calls trying to get one, every day for 2 weeks I asked him if had found one, It wasn't until I told one of the other guys who had been there for 10 years, that the boss found out it was all a joke, I was given a weeks notice.

[Outbackjack]

Originally Posted by shane3

Not a BS story just a prank that got me fired, at a factory I once worked in we had the bosses nephew (14 yo) in for work experience and one of the jobs that Friday was to clean up the storage room, I went in to get one of the extension lead and couldn't find one, anyway I asked him if he had seen the cordless extension lead, and this is how it went...

Me, hay have you seen the cordless extension lead

Him, what

Me, the cordless extension lead, you seen it?

Him, what’s a cordless extension lead

Me, god, the cordless extension lead, you know, power pack one end and receiver the other end that plugs into the lead, small black box with a small areal, there should be 2 of them.

Him, never seen it

Me, shit its brand new and cost a shit load

any way I walked out and found a normal lead and finish my work, at afternoon tea he asked how it worked, I explained to him its like a cordless phone, the electricity is sent like a signal from the first power pack that’s plugged into the wall and received by the 2nd one that’s plugged into the lead of the tool that your using, he seemed to understand how it worked.
Come Monday morning the boss calls me into the office and asked what is a cordless extension lead as his nephew had asked him about it, I gave him the same speel ( I had only been in the place for 2 week's), any way the boss actually started making phone calls trying to get one, every day for 2 weeks I asked him if had found one, It wasn't until I told one of the other guys who had been there for 10 years, that the boss found out it was all a joke, I was given a weeks notice.

That boss was a DH and a **** with NO sense of humour.....

[LUXO_8]

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

That boss was a DH and a **** with NO sense of humour.....

i agree....thats the funniest thing ive heard....

good stuff shane3

[GXL078]

Originally Posted by normxb

1/ Years ago I was at a Servo filling up the wife's 2L Escort Ghia she had at the time , young guy comes up & says "I got a ONE OFF of these" , proceeded to tell it was a "Special Ford Project Car"

"Yeah , it was built at a Top Secret Ford Factory in France , only Factory built V8 Escort in the world , Ford tried to sell it but nobody wanted it & I bought it real cheap . :nutsycuck .

I says " WOW , ya gotta give me a look ? ? ?

Young guy = " Aww sorry , can only drive it on the road when the police give me an escort , & they gotta have their lights flashing cos it's Sooo Powerful .. and that takes time to arrange ...

Man , you needed "Wellies" to walk through the BS he was telling ,

2/ Stopped in Penrith once towing my racecar Silverdale Hillclimb , young kid in a 1300 LJ Torana says " I've done heaps of work on my car and it "eats cars like your's for dinner" ...I asked what he'd done to it =====

Oh! Sports Aircleaner , Biggest Exhaust you can get , New shocks , Big swaybars , AND a Special wire connecting the spark plugs together ,
it doubles the power ? ? ? ? Hear how "Lumpy it is" . (was nearly stalling from a missfire)

Would that eat an "FC holden , 192 , triple carbs , 40/80 cam , Aussie 4 sp & 4 wheel discs ....." somehow I think NOT.

There is actually a place called MD conversions that puts V8s into Escorts!

[LUXO_8]

i dont think he was doubting that a v8 will go into an escort........more the BS spinning way the guy talked to him

[normxb]

Originally Posted by MADNC_8

i dont think he was doubting that a v8 will go into an escort........more the BS spinning way the guy talked to him

Yep , right on ... That was in about 1980/81 & I still haven't heard of a "Top Secret Ford Factory in France" . I think the word would have got out by now .
:yeees:

[klawsterfobik]

*sigh* well i had one of these people last night beside me at a wedding reception.

First it started with him driving his Dads B Double on the highway to Queensland when he was 16 while his Dad slept.. then moved onto his XD ESP with a 9", top loader and a 351 which ran a 10second quarter. He raced that down the street against a twin turbo v8 XF over 200m, and the XF spun 5 times when it hit 3rd gear, and he stalled, but he re-started and the XF still managed to beat him =/

AND then his mate just bought a 180sx for 29grand, which has receipts for 42k just on the engine alone. It's a 7 speed, and this 7speed box has got a 9,000rpm stall in it. He reckons it comes on boost at 4,500rpm and from there it just goes nuts. So much so that he spun it 4.5 times and then was going backwards down the street with the wheels still spinning forward but he just couldn't get grip. But i guess that was because it only had 165's on the back, even so it ran a 7sec quarter, sideways across the line in 6th gear. But if it gets some slicks on the back of it it'll run a solid 5. Unlike his supercharged v6 commo, which is bouncing off the limiter doing 220kph across the line when he takes it to the 1/4

I went and had a sleep in the bus just to get away from him.

There aren't enough emoticons for this thread

[Hardtopxb]

Iwas filling up with petrol when this kid comes up asking what engine I had in my old XB coupe.Worked 351 I reply..He proceeds to tell me he has an XA Sedan with a Virtually stock 250 cross flow that runs low 13s at Townsville drags, this car lifts the front wheels off the ground.Isaid to him that this old girl pulls low13s(as she does) and that I go quite often to the drags and we should meet up and I could arrange a race. He starts spluttering and making excuses as to why he cant do etc ..By this time I have spilled petrol down the side of my car in an effort to stop laughing.he was saved by his mummy yelling for him to get in the car as she had finished filling up..The bloke next to me rekoned he was off his medication LOL..

[jones_aus]

Originally Posted by normxb

Yep , right on ... That was in about 1980/81 & I still haven't heard of a "Top Secret Ford Factory in France" . I think the word would have got out by now .
:yeees:

exactly... and why would no-one want one?