Things people just shouldn't.. and i mean SHOULDN'T have said...

[santoitaliano]

i had a mate get into another mates car and went to put it in reverse and nearly went through the garage.. twice.. the first time when he started it in gear and the second when he put it in 2nd and tried to back out..

do u no what his excuse is? my mums beemer has a diff shift pattern..

still got me fudged how u can bugger up into 2nd

[WillyG351c]

i had an old mate tell us that he had a mate with a "fully sik" vl with a "mad ****" blow off valve. I asked him wat sorta turbo did he have in it, he replied that it wasnt turboed.

cough. ********. cough.

: :togo:

[Psycho Chicken]

Originally Posted by santoitaliano

what kind of experiences have people had with auto's buggering up?

The XE Ghia I'm wrecking has a rooted auto in it. The guy who had it before me was doing burnouts and stuff in it one night, 4000 rpm in neutral, straight into drive...BANG.

The one way clutch is blown and you can't get first gear in drive. Have to manual shift it into first then second, you can go to drive once it's in second. Easier to manually shift it though. Just don't have any throttle on when you change gears or it will rev out big time.

Though I haven't driven it in weeks, I just start it up every now and again to see how it's going with no engine oil.

[santoitaliano]

two ways people auto's that are stupid and assumed that will up eventually:
1.standstills (holding brake and accelerator)
2.revving in neutral then putting in gear

and both are so ing stupid..

[SMOKDUB]

Well lets see, my brother and i were watchin a car show on the idiot box and there was this fellow from NSW who had a canary yellow Torana, now he was tellin the tv crew that it was totally standard, some how the nine inch diff part just didn't sound so standard :

:Up_to_som
Better still, when i was doin mechanic workshop at school we had a relief teacher, neway she owned a diesel 4WD, apparently it wasn't runnin too good so the boys and i told her that it was a problem wid the spark plugs, funny thing is she went to the mechanics the next day to explain her prob.

Was real funny at the time

[Mike Gayner]

My brother asked an RX7 owner if his motor had stock pistons and instantly realised his mistake. That was pretty funny.

My dork workmate was telling me about his Mazda 626 wagon he's been doing up for a while (funnily he has never mentioned it before even though I talk cars with him all day). Apparently it has "a f*cking massive turbo" and "they" reckon his motor will handle 26psi. Yeah, I don't know who "they" is either. He also pulled his pistons out and had them hardened (yup, the stock pistons - hardened). I asked him what compression ratio he was running and he just said "Oh I dunno, haven't got a read-out yet." Dork.

This is coming from the same guy who thinks our stock Hyundai Lantra work wagons "can really move when you give it to them," and was blown away by the acceleration of a brand new Ford Courier turbo deisel ute.

His aunty also owns a 1963 Model A with a 350 cleveland. Righto then mate. He told me once that he blew all of the electrons in his Honda CRX. Yeah, the electrons.

Speaking of his CRX (absolute box lowered on 16s with mismatching matte black paint) he reckons he once blew away a guy in a "CRX race car" in a street race and the guy instantly asked him to sell if to him. His pod filter and noisy exhaust must be worth alot of kw, although I'm most impressed with the shopping list on the back.

I could go for ages about the dumb stuff this guy says. Maybe I should add one dumb thing he says each day. I can guarentee at least one update every working day, he really does talk that much sh*t.

[SMOKDUB]

lol
sometimes u wonder if any of these ppl actually realise how much of an idiot they are makin of themselves
:

[santoitaliano]

had a good 1 today..

I'm putting a system in my mates car.. so haing a chat about it today...

my mate: how long you think it will take?
me: gotta allow about 4 hours.. just in case..
random knob: naaa bro, shouldnt take more than 2 hours...
me: any how many systems have you fitted?
random ********: me personally? none.. but all my mates have kick-*** systems..

[Mike Gayner]

Here's the first of my spuriously daily dumbass quotes (probably am too lazy to do one every day!)...

Me: You guys finish that tanker yesterday? (referring to tanker he was working on yesterday arvo with electrical problems involving GPS and the smoke alarm)
Dumbass:laughing Yeah but not till 7:40 last night! I just ended up ripping the power wires out of the smoke alarm!! HAHAHA!! (he thought this was fricken hilarious)
Me: You disabled the smoke alarm in a petrol tanker? Isn't that a little irresponsible?
Dumbass: F*ck them, they can sort it out!
Me: walks away rolling eyes

[Peuty]

^ Thats just wrong.

Years ago, I had a mate who could always go one better than any story you had.
His best was the tale of a "mate of his" who owned a genuine Phase 3, a one off, with a "factory black" paint job and one of Alan Moffitt's old Bathurst motors in it. This motor revved out to 12,000 rpm. His mate purchased this car off a Ford exec and left it sitting in his garage.

Apparently, it got stolen one night, the thieves cut the padlock on the door, replaced the flat battery in the car, fitted 4 wheels onto it, (it was up on car stands), rolled the car onto the road and push started it and drove away. The car was found 5 days later torched on the Tullarmarine freeway.

I believe every word!!! NOT.

[JG3282]

My ex went to look at a car to buy a few years ago. It was a BMW and the guy thought that owning a BMW made him more intelligent than this 4ft8 chick that as far as he was concerned knew nothing about cars. As he was explaining how the interior all worked, he pointed to the auto gear selector and said the following:
P is for Pedestrian which is best when you are caught in heavy traffic, D is for parking, 1,2 and 3 are the gears which you have to shift when pushing this button which is the clutch, N is for Nein - that's German for fast and R is for Race!

[nang3]

ME : damn i really need to replant some plants in my backyard
my friends knobhead BF : you probably havent heard of them, but there is this really expensive plant called a Frangipani, they're about $500 each and look awesome..
BUNNINGS CATALOGUE : Frangipanis, 5 for $25

my friend : my ex's 383 stroker that pulled low 11's would beat that gemini with a stock rotary you used to own. What did that get down the quarter anyway?
her knobhead BF : oh i never took it down the quarter but it was rated at low 9's

another mate: Why dont Ethiopians just eat flies, they are the same size as peas anyway and theres heaps of them and then they wont starve! --this guy is a cop as well !!!

ME: Yeh ive spent about $10K on stereo gear so far
KNOBhead: Mine only cost about $3K but its a lot louder than yours
ME: can i have a listen
KNOBHEAD: oh its not installed yet, its all still in boxes in the spare room

FORD SALESMAN: nah this GT (04 MkII) isnt optioned with traction control

My Hetero Mate: I'm hanging for cock, havent had it in ages, oh f*ck, i mean p*ssy
everyone at the bar: you f'n ********!!!

[Heeno]

Originally Posted by nang3
[B

another mate:[/B] Why dont Ethiopians just eat flies, they are the same size as peas anyway and theres heaps of them and then they wont starve! --this guy is a cop as well !!!

My Hetero Mate: I'm hanging for cock, havent had it in ages, oh f*ck, i mean p*ssy
everyone at the bar: you f'n ********!!!

lol what a sus copper, did your mate make it out of that bar that night??

[347Stroker]

Years ago, when I was a surf lifesaver at South Curl Curl beach, (North of Manly, which is north of sydney for all you that dont know Sydney) and it was Boxing day.
One of the other guys on patrol asked to crackers that day.

1) So what time is Midnight Mass for Christmas???

2) What time do the Sydney to Hobart yachts go past?? (all yachts turn right at the heads and head south)

He wasnt the brightest spark....

[nang3]

Originally Posted by Heeno

lol what a sus copper, did your mate make it out of that bar that night??

haha yeh my copper mate defo has a few roos loose in the top paddock.. some of the dumb sh*t he comes out with makes me very scared that the cops give him a firearm !!!

the other guy thats hanging for cock gets for it nonstop even 5 years later - even the best man brought it up at his wedding reception haha

[stiddy]

Few years back at Eastern Creek, (old drag strip)

I over herd a pair of guys behind me talking about a Mystery Fairlane.
i turned to ask them about it:

Me: whats that about a Mystery fairlane?
Them: you havent herd of the mystery fairlane?
Me: No, what about it?
Them: Oh one day this black stock looking fairlane came to the strip on a trailer pulled out on to the strip and ran an 8 second flat with half track shut down, they put it back on the trailer and left, and its never been back.
Me: No, never herd about it at all, and what model fairlane was it?
Them: I think it was an NA Fairlane.
Me: and it was totally stock looking
Them: yep, the only thing i could pick on it was the exhaust note, sounded like a V8 though
Me: HAHAHAHA ok mate. (and i moved to another spot to sit)

[P100 Ute]

i know this guy n he talks crap to everyone.. compuslive liar (met him thru my other mate)

he rings me to come over as he's got this VK and the next day he's gotta goto the airport to pickup his new motor that got sent over from america..
ex drag motor..
i asked him what gearbox he's gonna bolt it to..
"Oh the VK gearbox obviously"
told him no way would that fit...
found out week later.. nothing came for him and he doesnt even own a VK

and now he's got a VS 5L Supercharged wagon... thats sitting in a mechanics shop coz theyres sometihng wrong with the motor... In Reality he drives his moms Excel which he thrashes and revs it when he starts it around people to make them look (thinks its a beast)

my stock car chomps his moms excel and my cars a 1977 TE Cortina. 250xflow :P
took it down the strip and it runs a 16.9 with only extractors and a 2.1/4 zorst.
worst thing.. its got 165 tyres on stock rims :P

motor is out.. and i have a XF motor stripped ready ot be rebuilt with a Crow Cam 14892 (1800rpm - 4800rpm) and matting it up to a T5 with a EA 3.23 LSD center in my existing Borg Warner 78 diff and power figures are about 200hp+ and should do mid 14's

http://home.iprimus.com.au/hoe1234/c.../XF_EFI_Motor/ <- link if ur interested in looking

[Barry_v]

I always remember one of the fellas at school who drove a honda civic. apparently vtec is like a tubo without the insurance costs.

[fordel]

Originally Posted by Walkinshaw

Sorry but every one should carry the Gunner's entire disography on their person at all times!! ;)

Nice work Dan

Damn right... I know I do

Chris

[nugget01]

I know a bloke who owns a 1.8L 440 volvo who is convinced it can drag off WRX's up hills , yet my EF will leave him for dead and I cant even consider beating a WRX.

[nugget01]

bloke told me his car was an early modle VN wagon with the nissan 6 in it. nope it was a VL but he was still convinced.

A Sales rep who used be a car sales man at one stage wouldnt be convinced that the VL sub frame was the same as a VB sub frame.
Typical sales rep

[MITCHAY]

Lol today my mate and i were having this argument about jap cars. He has a stock N/A VL and reckons he kept up with a N/A 300ZX (um how bout no way).

Anyways he starts goin on about how japanese engines are s**t . I nearly ****ed myself laughing. I kindly reminded him that his VL has a Nissan RB30 engine in it and if im not mistaken thats JAP!!! His reply was RB30s are mad though. Enough said.

[Bluefreak]

Originally Posted by Walkinshaw

"Yeah i got oversized valves put in my RX7"

I know that bloke... Same one that told me "Mazda hit a winner with those RX7's when they went from the single cam shaft to the DOHC".

[Steffo]

That same bloke who told me his dad had the Cortina with a "351 Clevo stroked to a 383 Chev" told me a bunch of bull about his brother's WRX. Apparantly, it was a 2000 Impreza WRX STi TypeRA (turns out to just be a regular WRX), with a 5spd dog-box in it, a Turbonetics T88H turbo, 2.6litre stroker, 150 shot, making 460kW @ all fours, and it apparantley ran a 9.83 sec 1/4 mile, wheelstanding, with the front wheels spinning in the air.

At the time he told me this, this would have made that car the third fastest WRX in the world. When I asked him why its not on the record books, he says it was done privately on a "private track" and they wouldn't run it at Eastern Creek because it didn't have a roll-cage.

Turns out the Turbocharger on it was a T66, and it was chasing 10s (not running high 9s).. and it was a regular WRX with STi bits.

[Yummy Mummy]

Doing trivia at work:

Question: What is the name of a large predatorial cat found in north america.

Answer: From a very bright spark in the office "Felix"

[Gammaboy]

Originally Posted by Rollin

ah yeah, and anybody i talk to that tells me falcons cant drift!

Hey mate, Falcons can'tdrift hey. but my cousins fooly sik vl that runs 9s can.

:P

[Xephon]

Falcons cant drift?!? I used to downhill drift an XF ute then a TE Cortina. (MMM Sideways...)

[DOC]

Getting the tips alligned on BA this morning,

Him " nice car BA is it "
me " yea bud "
Him " I like the fords "
me " yea there not bad "
Him " i see you can pick up the BA's for around 6K now "
me " really ! where are you finding BA XR8's for that price ? "
Him " O maybe not the XR8 but the Turbo's are goin for that "
me " really ! that sounds cheap for a turbo BA "
Him " it's not the BA' Turbo you can get for 6K there the AU ones "
me " bud that sounds great ! Must go, good chattin with you "

[Casper]

Originally Posted by DOC

Him " it's not the BA' Turbo you can get for 6K there the AU ones "
me " bud that sounds great ! Must go, good chattin with you "

Bwahahahahahahaha... Shhhh, dont telll them!!!!!