Hi fellas...
I've just noticed this thread, and thought I'd let you know of my situation re depression etc. I was first diagnosed around 17 years ago—largely as a result of unrealistic/unfair workplace conditions—with clinical depression, generalised anxiety disorder, and hyper-vigilance.
The hyper-vigilance manifests itself in several ways; for example, if I hear a car door slam outside, I
must check it out; if I hear voices in the street at night, again I
have to check it out; if the neighbours are having a BBQ I'm constantly monitoring the sound levels of their (quite acceptable) music; I can't relax on New Year's eve waiting for the inevitable fireworks to go off; etc. I also have an annoyingly overactive startle response to
perceived sudden or threatening stimuli.
These conditions are now
superficially controlled with medication—Lexapro and Xanax—but over that period I've succumbed to a condition known as
Non-24 Hour Sleep Wake Syndrome.
Over time, this N-24 syndrome had the effect of making me virtually unemployable, as my sleep cycle is pushed back by around 4 hours every day, giving me a rolling circadian cycle period of approximately 28 hours.
Now that I'm retired, this doesn't affect me from an employment perspective, but it sure plays merry hell with my social life—or what's left of it. If someone phones me (Tuesday) and invites me to a BBQ next Saturday, I have to say maybe yes, maybe no; I'll have to let you know Friday night... sorry. Recently for example, I had to miss two of my nephews' weddings.
My main ongoing issue right now is a total, unconditional lack of personal motivation. Making my bed is an effort; having a shower is hard work; mowing the lawn is impossible; visiting the library takes advance planning; driving from south Gippsland to visit family in Melbourne or Wodonga never happens; etc etc etc.
I've found psychiatrists—all 4 of 'em—useless as an ashtray on a Harley. Psychologists only marginally more helpful, which is really damning with faint praise. I haven't wasted any more time seeing head doctors for a couple of years now, and my GP is more than happy to monitor and prescribe my meds.
I've undergone a clinical sleep study with no negative results, other than getting virtually nil REM sleep phase (lower gamma activity). This is a known precursor for depression. I'm typing this at around 2AM, having got out of bed at 6PM last night. I'll probably head off to bed around 10AM today... or midday... or 2PM... or?
I can, and do, totally empathise with the other blokes who've told us their stories here, and I appreciate reading them, as it confirms "we" are ultimately not alone.
—And my apologies if I've been a bit long-winded!
